Now I could witter on about the house renovation.

Hopefully, it is helpful to future proof for the rather unstable Best Beloved, and indeed me as I dodder into old age.

It took a while but we found the house which suits us – sufficient it to say that I can walk to Oxfam in about 10 minutes but we are nearly next to a stream and the builder – doing aforementioned renovations (brilliantly) – saw a kingfisher on his skip one day.

So, despite the fact when we get home from travelling we turn not into the lovely rural lanes to take us to a house overlooking the Downs, and instead into a housing estate – albeit a well designed one – we are happy to be here.

So, the deal was I would design and pay for what I wanted done and the BB would take on some other costs including the replacement of an old electric fire.

He was sure he wanted a gas real-fire looking one.

And we went around several (scattered ) showrooms and got baffled by the options.

‘That’s really nice,’ I said.

‘Yes madam. That is because it is a real fire.’

Mmm.

The options were potentially thousands of pounds but that was the BB’s issue.

Meanwhile as the renovations were taking shape, we were renting and nearby was a Dunelm which I have to say I rather liked and bought various ‘necessities’ for new house.

And a friend had said in passing ‘My sister bought a Dunelm fake log fire, electric, from Dunelm.’

One day I dragged/persuaded the BB t come with me to Dunelm to look at stools.

‘Don’t they do fake fires?’ he said.

‘No, they only do those online, you won’t see them here’

But, and here your are not as surprised as I was, I turned round and saw a pile of boxes containing aforementioned fake log fires.

I asked a nearby young man – yes he was a staff member not just any young man – if he could tell me what the dimensions were of the actual fire as you can’t tell from the box.

Well he searched his store phone, he scanned the barcode and couldn’t find the answer.

‘I’ll open a box,’ he said.

I protested that it would damage the saleability of the fire.

‘Madam, they are reduced by 80% so I am not that worried.’

The BB bought one. £20.

And look how it worked…..

He is, as we say, a jammy sod, that BB